Putting the nts’ in condiments

Wow, that last post was really fucking rad, am I right? Am I right? I’m goddamn* right! Today we have a very special guest writer who’s going to tell us all about that celestial sauce we all love, Mayoketchup™. He’s a Mayoketchup™ historian and aficionado as well. We’re talking of course about Mr. “ catsupnaise man” himself, Dr. JoJo Polanski**.  So without further a due, Dr. JoJo Polanski.

             Thank you. Albert Einstein once said that humans have always had a need for putting things together. People like JFK, Gandhi and Captain Crunch fought for a world where man could indulge in his saucy desires. Well, no not really, I don’t know where that came from I apologize. As I was saying, ketchup and mayonnaise are two pretty cool condiments by themselves. What can’t you put 10 packets of ketchup on? How about mayonnaise? Both have very high spreadability*** properties. But what would happen if you mix two of the finest things ever created by man?, or Kraft whatever. You got it, a slice of heaven, like being given the opportunity to taste an exotic piece of Tahitian vagina. Again I apologize, I suffer from Cheegina Syndrome, where I confuse the words cheese and vagina.  Thank you.

            There you have it ladies and gentle/roughmen, the leading expert on Mayoketchup™, spreading a thick layer of knowledge on you. If you wish to contact or book Dr. JoJo Polanski you may do so through his email at drj2thej@hotmale.com. That is all for today, be on the lookout for the next story as I will be writing about things that are the color purple.

*Not a damn made by god.

**Stop clapping, no one can hear you.

***What are you, the fucking spelling police!?

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