Scientists discover amazing fact: A kick in the nuts will hurt 100% of the times

After ten years of grueling and intense research scientists at the D.U.H.( Department of United Health) finally shed some light on one of the most enigmatic questions that has plagued mankind for centuries. Will a kick in the nuts hurt everytime you get kicked? Kicks in the nuts were first studied by the German Nuttologist Dr. Klaus von Sauersack who rang a bell and kicked dogs in the nuts. Since dogs aren’t that expressive, Dr. Sauersack moved on to kicking mokey nuts, since he believes humans came from the mokeys. That is where the world famous Nuttologist had his first breakthrough. With a sample of 10 heterosexual monkeys, he kicked each one once in the nuts and recorded the data. Astonishingly, of the 10 hetero monkeys, 9 got really mad, so he concluded that a kick in the nuts would hurt 90% of the times. After the hype, fame, awards and other things of this nature that came after his discovery, Dr. Sauersack was pushed aside by another Nuttologist and not just any Nuttologist, a WOMAN!!! The scientific community was outraged as you can imagine. It was a young, recently graduated Japanese woman by the name of Suk Mii Baal. She stood up in a conference Dr. Klaus was giving on the possible effects nut kicking has on speech patterns and defiantly said: “Dr Klaus your theory on nut kicks is wrong. I believe kicks in the nuts will hurt 100% of the times and I have the evidence to prove it”. The whole auditorium burst into a huge mumble. Suk Mii walked to the podium with nine other people of her research team. She used Dr. Klaus and nine other participants for a quick experiment. She handed each of them a paper that read “What is the capital of Thailand? ” To which Suk Mii’s team responded with a nice kick in the nuts leaving all of the scientists grasping for air and some Tylenol.  So thanks to Suk Mii Baal we now know that a kick in the jewels will hurt 100% of the times.

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