Category Archives: comedy

Another stab at the old viral voodoo doll

Time Warner Cable is giving viral a try. A coule of days ago they launched their viral application in hopes of getting a response. It basically consists of an E! True Hollywood story type of story in which the user can create his own by choosing a photo, writing up (or recording) some dialogue.  The app let’s you control the amount of controversy, fame and misfortune that the star will suffer. All in all it’s a fun little thing and will probably spread a lot but I’m not sure how far it will go and how it’s helping Time Warner. I’ve made my own so here it is so you can check it out.

Ok this piece of crap won’t embed but check it out for yourself. Mine was hilarious

http://www.myfamestar.com (in case you’re interested in getting your own

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Man sues Mars Candy Corporation

A man from Orlando, Florida has just filed a lawsuit against the Mars Candy Corporation  for false and misleading advertising. Harvey Smythe, a 32 year old correctional facility nurse filed his complaint yesterday after he bought a bag of chocolate M&M’s. Mr. Smythe opened his bag and started eating his delicious candy coated chocolate discs when suddenly IT happened. Harvey noticed a small but bright colorful stain on the palm of his hand. When he examined it closer he confirmed what he already knew, the M&M had melted in his hand. Furious, Harvey Smythe then called his lawyer and filed the lawsuit. “When I buy candy I expect it not to melt in my hand, especially if they say it doesn’t” said Mr. Smythe in an interview with The Daily BS. The Mars Corporation has not answered our calls but their lawyer denies the accusations.

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Hannah Montana commits suicide

Hollywood, CA (8/22/08 )

Miley Cyrus, known for her succesful Disney Channel show Hannah Montana, was found in a hotel room half dead next to a bottle of sleeping pills.  She was found by one of her bodyguards, on the floor passed out. Miley has been the target of recent controversial photos that have been circulating through the internet which most people say were part of a PR stunt. These recent events have directed a lot of media atention to this young pop star and sources close to her have started to speculate that this new found fame may have been the cause for her recent suicide attempt. One source cited that “Miley hasn’t been herself lately…she had a conversation with someone the other day and left shaken up” It is unclear who this person was but the police report shows that Miley left a note with her reason to commit suicide. We have an exclusive look at Miley’s last words :

“I can’t take it anymore, it’s just too hard. I’ve never been to close to my dad, we started getting close when we started working on Hannah Montana. He told me he was just an actor who knew how to sing, but those were LIES!!! No one ever told me my father wrote and sang Achy Breaky Heart!!! Why him? Why me? Now I must go and it will be my achy breaky heart that will breaky and leave achy no more hearts…”

It is clear now, Miley Cyrus couldn’t hadle the fact that her father wrote such a terrible song with such a terrible dance. Oddly, she didn’t mention her father’s choice of hair style…

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De huevos y huevones…

Dejénme explicarles una cosita antes de comenzar con este post. Yo soy la persona menos “politically inclined” que existe en este sistema solar. A mi literalmente me importa 3, a veces hasta 5, carajos quien coño este postulado, corriendo, perdiendo, ganando, acusado de robarle la cartera a la mai del contricante mientras hechaba una cagada en la grama del capitolio. Sinceramente no tengo tiempo ni las ganas para involucrarme en tal melcocha de mierda que es la política puertorriqueña. Probablemente, si eres un morón, estarás defendiendo la política y dirás que en el resto del mundo la política es así. Estoy de acuerdo pero me importa un carajo porque no vivo en el resto del mundo. Eniguey, volviendo a lo que veníamos. En la noche de anoche, 20 de agosto de 2008, estaba transitando por la avenida que pasa justo por el frente del Partido Popular Democrático en el Viejo San Juan. Eran aproximadamente las 10pm y un poco antes de donde está el partido me encuentro con un pequeño tapón, cosa inusual para la hora y el día. Cuando me voy acercando me percato de que hay 40 cabrones con banderas enormes del PPD y una vellonera de esas gigantes . Estaban tapando la vía de tránsito como si las gordas cabronas esas tuvieran una fucking tablilla en el joyete. Había un caballero en particular que estaba parado en el mismisimo centro del carril sin moverse. Como yo estaba en un carro, en una avenida aporbada para el tránsito de vehiculos, mi compañero procedió a hacerle un gesto “polite” de que se moviera a un lado para nosotros poder pasar. Fuimos muy buena gente ya que no le tocamos bocina, a pesar de que tenía el derecho de hacerlo. Tan pronto hicimos eso, se desató la furia de los cromañones esos que estaban allí. Primero, los cabrones me empezaron a dar en el techo de carro y a gritar barbaridades. Si alguien pisa al cabron ese hay que pagarlo nuevo verdad. Clase de cojones!. Se las deje pasar. Unos 15 segundos más tarde escucho un PLOP durísimo en la parte de atrás del carro. Cuando miro por el retro visor me había tirado un huevo de gallina al cristal. Ahí fue que me encabrone y decidi estacionarme en el centro del gallinero y hablar con un oficial de la ley. El oficial, con una cara de pendejo más grande que la de Aníbal después de las 14 cirujías, me pregunta que fue lo que pasó. Le explico la situación a lo que el me dice “tu lo viste? no verdad, asi que quieres que yo haga” No soy una persona violenta, pero en ese momento me dieron ganas de quitarle el arma de reglamento y vaciarsela directamente por el recto. Luego de que el oficial inútil (creo que ese era su apellido) hiciera lo suyo, se acercaron unos manifestantes a preguntar que habia pasado. Nuevamente les cuento la historia y uno se disculpa pero viene otro caballero, un enano cabron, y le toma una foto a su obra de arte y procede a decirme “que me pierda”. Por poco pierde los dientes y yo iba a perder mucho más, pero la satisfacción de haberle propinado una paliza valía la pena. Ahora bien, no entiendo porque fui victima de las cobardadas de un partido. Digo cobardada porque estaban tirando huevos de “gallina” 😉 La verdad es que como les dije, no me importa de 2 a 3 puñetas la política, pero ahora, bah que se joda, ojalá gane Ruben Berríos de gobernador a ver a quién carajos le van a tirar huevos SO CABRONES!!!!!

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Bush taps some ass

Trip to Beijing – $2,000

Hotel in Beijing – $5,000

Tapping some ass – Priceless

Being president has it’s perks…

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Back to the Future, Spike Lee Edition

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Scientists discover amazing fact: A kick in the nuts will hurt 100% of the times

After ten years of grueling and intense research scientists at the D.U.H.( Department of United Health) finally shed some light on one of the most enigmatic questions that has plagued mankind for centuries. Will a kick in the nuts hurt everytime you get kicked? Kicks in the nuts were first studied by the German Nuttologist Dr. Klaus von Sauersack who rang a bell and kicked dogs in the nuts. Since dogs aren’t that expressive, Dr. Sauersack moved on to kicking mokey nuts, since he believes humans came from the mokeys. That is where the world famous Nuttologist had his first breakthrough. With a sample of 10 heterosexual monkeys, he kicked each one once in the nuts and recorded the data. Astonishingly, of the 10 hetero monkeys, 9 got really mad, so he concluded that a kick in the nuts would hurt 90% of the times. After the hype, fame, awards and other things of this nature that came after his discovery, Dr. Sauersack was pushed aside by another Nuttologist and not just any Nuttologist, a WOMAN!!! The scientific community was outraged as you can imagine. It was a young, recently graduated Japanese woman by the name of Suk Mii Baal. She stood up in a conference Dr. Klaus was giving on the possible effects nut kicking has on speech patterns and defiantly said: “Dr Klaus your theory on nut kicks is wrong. I believe kicks in the nuts will hurt 100% of the times and I have the evidence to prove it”. The whole auditorium burst into a huge mumble. Suk Mii walked to the podium with nine other people of her research team. She used Dr. Klaus and nine other participants for a quick experiment. She handed each of them a paper that read “What is the capital of Thailand? ” To which Suk Mii’s team responded with a nice kick in the nuts leaving all of the scientists grasping for air and some Tylenol.  So thanks to Suk Mii Baal we now know that a kick in the jewels will hurt 100% of the times.

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