A man from Orlando, Florida has just filed a lawsuit against the Mars Candy Corporation for false and misleading advertising. Harvey Smythe, a 32 year old correctional facility nurse filed his complaint yesterday after he bought a bag of chocolate M&M’s. Mr. Smythe opened his bag and started eating his delicious candy coated chocolate discs when suddenly IT happened. Harvey noticed a small but bright colorful stain on the palm of his hand. When he examined it closer he confirmed what he already knew, the M&M had melted in his hand. Furious, Harvey Smythe then called his lawyer and filed the lawsuit. “When I buy candy I expect it not to melt in my hand, especially if they say it doesn’t” said Mr. Smythe in an interview with The Daily BS. The Mars Corporation has not answered our calls but their lawyer denies the accusations.
El rapero puertorriqueño sietenueve 79 acaba de lanzar a la calle un sencillo titulado Quedate callao, la cual hace referencia al “cantante” de “música” regageton Daddy Yankee y su respaldo al candidato a la presidencia por E.U. de Jonh “Fuckface” McCain. Me parece como una muy buena canción (como siempre lo hace 79). La verdad es que no está hablando mierda porque Daddy Yankee es un jíbaro que no sabe lo que respalda. Aquí lo tienen asi que ustedes dirán.
Hollywood, CA (8/22/08 )
Miley Cyrus, known for her succesful Disney Channel show Hannah Montana, was found in a hotel room half dead next to a bottle of sleeping pills. She was found by one of her bodyguards, on the floor passed out. Miley has been the target of recent controversial photos that have been circulating through the internet which most people say were part of a PR stunt. These recent events have directed a lot of media atention to this young pop star and sources close to her have started to speculate that this new found fame may have been the cause for her recent suicide attempt. One source cited that “Miley hasn’t been herself lately…she had a conversation with someone the other day and left shaken up” It is unclear who this person was but the police report shows that Miley left a note with her reason to commit suicide. We have an exclusive look at Miley’s last words :
“I can’t take it anymore, it’s just too hard. I’ve never been to close to my dad, we started getting close when we started working on Hannah Montana. He told me he was just an actor who knew how to sing, but those were LIES!!! No one ever told me my father wrote and sang Achy Breaky Heart!!! Why him? Why me? Now I must go and it will be my achy breaky heart that will breaky and leave achy no more hearts…”
It is clear now, Miley Cyrus couldn’t hadle the fact that her father wrote such a terrible song with such a terrible dance. Oddly, she didn’t mention her father’s choice of hair style…
Trip to Beijing – $2,000
Hotel in Beijing – $5,000
Tapping some ass – Priceless
Being president has it’s perks…
After ten years of grueling and intense research scientists at the D.U.H.( Department of United Health) finally shed some light on one of the most enigmatic questions that has plagued mankind for centuries. Will a kick in the nuts hurt everytime you get kicked? Kicks in the nuts were first studied by the German Nuttologist Dr. Klaus von Sauersack who rang a bell and kicked dogs in the nuts. Since dogs aren’t that expressive, Dr. Sauersack moved on to kicking mokey nuts, since he believes humans came from the mokeys. That is where the world famous Nuttologist had his first breakthrough. With a sample of 10 heterosexual monkeys, he kicked each one once in the nuts and recorded the data. Astonishingly, of the 10 hetero monkeys, 9 got really mad, so he concluded that a kick in the nuts would hurt 90% of the times. After the hype, fame, awards and other things of this nature that came after his discovery, Dr. Sauersack was pushed aside by another Nuttologist and not just any Nuttologist, a WOMAN!!! The scientific community was outraged as you can imagine. It was a young, recently graduated Japanese woman by the name of Suk Mii Baal. She stood up in a conference Dr. Klaus was giving on the possible effects nut kicking has on speech patterns and defiantly said: “Dr Klaus your theory on nut kicks is wrong. I believe kicks in the nuts will hurt 100% of the times and I have the evidence to prove it”. The whole auditorium burst into a huge mumble. Suk Mii walked to the podium with nine other people of her research team. She used Dr. Klaus and nine other participants for a quick experiment. She handed each of them a paper that read “What is the capital of Thailand? ” To which Suk Mii’s team responded with a nice kick in the nuts leaving all of the scientists grasping for air and some Tylenol. So thanks to Suk Mii Baal we now know that a kick in the jewels will hurt 100% of the times.
We all loved the Back to the Future movies for it’s super funky characters(Doc Brown for example) and for it’s neat gadgets. Recently Nike released a very limited edition of the sneakers that Marty McFly wore on the movie. Going with the flow of this recent Back to the Future hype check out what’s up for grabs on eBay, one of the original Hoverboards used on set at the Back to the Future movie( take out your Black American Express cards because it’s not going out cheap!) Check the bidding page out…